At these times I can also be sociable, talkative and fun, focused at times, distracted at others. I will sometimes drive faster than usual, need less sleep and can concentrate well, making quick and accurate decisions. In my heightened state of awareness the coils of yellow looked exquisitely beautiful and irresistible. I remember being entranced by 18-metre lengths of coiled yellow extension wire. If my elevated states last more than a few days, my spending can become uncontrollable and I have to hand over my credit cards to my husband, which takes a great effort of willpower otherwise I make purchases I will later regret.
MASS EFFECT 2 MOUSE SENSITIVITY REDDIT FULL
I may not sleep for more than 2 hours one night, being full of creative energy, but by midday be so fatigued it is an effort to breathe. I may wake up low at 10 am, but be high and excitable by 3 pm. My mood may swing from one part of the day to another.
At times they can be sucked into believing that the changes are permanent. To onlookers it seems that your whole personality has changed the person they know is no longer in evidence. Bipolar disorder is multipolar affecting not just energy levels, but behaviour and physiology. It's about loss of control over your life. This illness is about being trapped by your own mind and body. WHAT IS IT LIKE TO LIVE WITH THIS CONDITION ON A DAY-BY-DAY BASIS? My psychiatrist signed me off work initially with depression, but eventually with bipolar disorder, and thus began several years of treatment.Īntidepressants, mood stabilisers, ECT, antipsychotics, thyroid hormones, lithium, psychotherapy and hospital admissions made no difference to the unstable pattern of abrupt mood swings, rapid cycling, bipolar depressions, and mixed mood states with psychotic features woven throughout. My GP wisely referred me straight on to a psychiatrist, unwisely she started me on an antidepressant not having asked about symptoms of elevated mood as I was clinically so depressed at the time. In the end my husband encouraged me to make an appointment with my GP. Gradually, I noticed that working long nights and weekends became intolerable, which I initially put down to having young children rather than believing that I might be ill.Īs my mood fluctuated so widely and on a day-to-day basis it was difficult for me to see that I needed help. Then again, at other times I was full of energy, enjoyed patient contact and was continually looking round for extra things for myself and the family to do. On other days I found work a useful distractor from the milder symptoms of my depression. In the meantime I was also having difficulty working, at times literally dragging a deeply fatigued body and an equally befuddled brain into the consultation, managing by treating one person at a time, rather than look at a whole fully-booked surgery. This was the start of very strong suicidal thoughts and impulses that would pop into my head unbidden and needed real mental energy to resist acting them out. Then driving down the motorway one day I decided it would be appropriate for me to crash the car and end my life. I put these down to the long hours I was working and a full social life at the time. Initially, I had days when I was intensely irritable with my family and suffered from episodes of anxiety and tension headaches. I was working as a full-time GP at the time with a growing list and four small children. I became unwell suddenly, unexpectedly and severely 5 years ago.
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